A week after he moved here...

We helped with a proposal last night of two of our friends and what struck me the most was my lack of envy for the couple. I've made it pretty clear to all my loved ones that there isn't a wedding in then near future for us and most get it. However I still have a few relatives that give me the head tilt, squint of the eye whenever a newly engaged couple pops up into a conversation. 

It's not happening people! Move on!

But sometimes I get the feeling I'm being too casual about it. Like, maybe I'm over doing my casualness. Is that even possible? I doubt that people are taking my word as law because I say it too easily, I guess, and then I start to doubt myself. Am I this casual? Do I really not care if I get married till I'm thirty? These emotions basically go hand in hand with being 24 and living in NYC. The tv show Girls can attest to that. But it never really hit me until yesterday when my BF and I were taping this proposal for our friends and afterwards, as i was smiling my head off, he looked right at me, shrugged, and said "I feel like we're already married".

That was it. He said the perfect words at the perfect time. It was better than a proposal for me. It was a concrete statement of all my feelings and I couldn't have asked for a better guy to say it. I didn't feel instantly jealous or downtrodden because I wasn't standing over a guy down on one knee. I was happy to be behind my BF as he taped it and hug them merrily afterwards. And then for him to say that made it all perfect.

Because we do already feel married and I don't think a ceremony (that we can't afford) is going to change that. Those six little words are probably going to get me through the next five years of broke-ass times and blissful starry nights. I think that's enough time and then I'll revisit all these casual emotions that are swirling inside me.